Lockdown Blues

Lockdown Blues

2020 has been grim for so many reasons, but 3 friends dying in the space of a month was particularly challenging. Kent James. Lana Vanzetta. Terry Franklin. They were all wild and funny people, who’d played a big part in my life. They escaped the Covid, but came to untimely ends via other means.

All the deaths were shocking and tragic. Grieving in lockdown, while juggling anxiety and a world in chaos hasn’t been fun. But really, who IS having fun right now?

I’ve experienced a partner ending his life while we were dating. Over the years, several close friends have checked out early, courtesy of their own hands. Kent James, who I met as Nick Name, committed suicide at the beginning of July. So, it wasn’t my first time at that rodeo, but nobody wants a season ticket to suicide. Once is too much.

Nick Name on the cover of QX Magazine
Nick Name aka Kent James

Name that man

The confusion, sadness and fury that stems from suicide can create a psychic wound that refuses to heal. How can it? There’s always a glut of questions that haunt the survivors. Those niggling queries sabotage even the best efforts at peace or closure.

Kent crashed into my life in 2002. He was a hot, chaotic punk whose placid, slightly broken spirit was hidden under an armour of imagery. When I met with him in Los Angeles, we recorded a track together with a live band as RuPaul looked on in roller skates. Crazy times.

It was mildly disappointing that during our West Hollywood head-trip, Kent proved to be the sensible one. He yanked me back from ill behaviour at every turn. In the end, he couldn’t do the same for himself.

Dancing with denial

Kent’s death stirred a sleeping wave of sadness for Kevin Davies, an ex-lover and friend who’d taken his life in 2019. I’m fully qualified in elegant strategies of self-deception and despite writing a tribute, somehow managed to park this trauma in remote mental woodland. In my smoke-filled head, Kevin hadn’t gone anywhere.

This sleeping denial fell apart when Kent’s death slapped me awake via Facebook. It seems you can put grief on hold, but you can’t plan or avoid its return. It can hit you with sudden, nuclear intensity, after hiding deep in your brain for months.

Kevin Davies
Kevin Davies

Wait, what?

Lana’s recent death keeps taunting me with its inexplicable truth. LANA FELL FROM A WINDOW AND DIED??!

It doesn’t make sense. My mind keeps deleting this info, then reanimating it, with the unsubtle crash and wallop of a ghost train at the fun fair.

Enjoy and care for your friends while you have them, ’cause you never know when the light’s going out. And remember, they may be gone, but you gotta keep on shining. It’s what they would have wanted.

There are 173 comments for this article
  1. fireshot chrome at 2:08 pm

    Abnormal this put up is totaly unrelated to what I was searching google for, but it surely used to be listed at the first page. I suppose your doing one thing proper if Google likes you adequate to place you at the first page of a non similar search.

  2. 토토사이트 at 4:17 am

    I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before.

  3. GakItaxia at 4:03 am

    And, at best, it s necessary to consider that some e-pharmacies known to be legit and trustworthy, sourcing its meds from approved manufacturers, don t necessarily require a prescription to get Cialis or other medications they offer cialis 5 mg Great discounts on BTC payments get 35 OFF your order

  4. informate at 6:13 am

    I don’t know if it’s just me or if everybody else experiencing issues with your site. It appears as though some of the written text on your content are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This could be a problem with my web browser because I’ve had this happen before. Appreciate it

  5. Vclubshop at 5:19 pm

    Hey very cool site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I’m happy to find so many useful information here in the post, we need develop more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  6. informate at 7:42 am

    Thank you pertaining to sharing the following great subject matter on your website. I ran into it on google. I am going to check to come back after you publish additional aricles.

  7. 슬롯나라 at 12:35 am

    I just couldn’t leave your website before suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual information an individual supply on your visitors? Is gonna be back often in order to investigate cross-check new posts

  8. vespa promotion at 1:09 am

    Thanks for some other great post. Where else may anybody get that kind of information in such an ideal method of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am at the look for such information.

  9. twino at 1:51 pm

    Самостоятельный самовывоз в Алматы через Яндекс.Доставка (дверь-дверь): Благодаря особенностям модели и уникальным свойствам кварца, массажер оказывает следующее действие: А также: маска-праймер, тени-облако, крем-цветочный бутон и другие средства, которые заинтересовали Олю. Все они розовые! Массажер легкий, умещается в длину ладони. Перед покупкой Роллер из розового кварца для лица – Love Nature Rose Quartz Facial Roller уточняйте технические характеристики и комплектацию у продавца ● Курьером Новая Почта на указанный адрес  Jade ролик помогает изменить внешний вид кожи с помощью нежного массажа лица, он также помогает лимфатической системе, которая является самой важной и основной системой детоксикации организма. Метафизически розовый кварц соответствует сердечной чакре, центру любви и энергии. Подходит для всех типов кожи В подарок идет потрясающий массажер гуаша из натурального кварца, который используется для более глубокого и детального массажа, может использоваться для проработки мыщц даже на спине. http://paxtondthv875320.mybuzzblog.com/16342298/стойкий-карандаш-подводка-для-глаз Карандаш можно использовать для создания стрелочек, покраски межресничного пространства, а также в качестве полноценной замены теней. Сам карандаш представлен в классическом виде. Его удобно точить, а сам грифель достаточно мягкий, что позволит не царапать нежную кожу век. В линейке находится 7 разных цветов. Самое простое косметическое средство для придания выразительности взгляду – это подводка для глаз. Умело нарисованные стрелки корректируют пропорции лица, зрительно увеличивают размер глаз. Всего несколько штрихов подводкой, и простой дневной макияж превращается в эффектный вечерний мейкап. Не растекается, быстро фиксируется и не стягивает кожу век. Полимерный фиксирующий компонент в составе подводки для безупречной стойкости. Современная упаковка air-tight предотвращает высыхание. Подводка-фломастер проста и удобна в применении, б… Dr.Hauschka Не спешите купить подводку для глаз, не разобравшись в её видах. Зная особенности каждой, будет легче сделать выбор.

  10. buy admin rdp at 6:06 am

    I like the helpful information you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite certain I’ll learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!

  11. Partner DELL at 12:47 pm

    Amazing! Your site has quite a few comment posts. How did you get all of these bloggers to look at your site I’m envious! I’m still studying all about posting articles on the net. I’m going to view pages on your website to get a better understanding how to attract more people. Thank you!

  12. สเต็ป2 at 4:01 am

    Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained I’m sure you had fun writing this article.

  13. Travel Insurance at 3:15 am

    Insurance is a means of protection from financial loss. It is a form of risk management, primarily used to hedge against the risk of a contingent or uncertain loss. Insurance policies are used to hedge against the risk of financial losses, both big and small, that may result from damage to the insured or their property, or from liability for damage or injury caused to a third party. More info https://slament.com

  14. sbobet at 4:17 pm

    Hello this is a wonderful write-up. I’m going to e mail this to my friends. I came on this while searching on yahoo I’ll be sure to come back. thanks for sharing.

  15. spackle at 11:30 pm

    Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads
    up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly.
    I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.

    bonsai trees lifespan
    flowering bonsai
    bushnell 12×42
    basis b1 review
    orange binoculars
    crab apple bonsai
    emerson im90
    bushnell night vision monocular 2.5 x42
    bonsai tree fake
    do azaleas lose their leaves

    Check out my web page: spackle

  16. casas at 9:30 am

    I wanted to check up and let you know how, a great deal I cherished discovering your blog today. I might consider it an honor to work at my office and be able to utilize the tips provided on your blog and also be a part of visitors’ reviews like this. Should a position associated with guest writer become on offer at your end, make sure you let me know.

  17. sbobet at 11:43 am

    Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing in your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!

  18. reformas at 5:36 pm

    My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard great things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any help would be really appreciated!

  19. edificios at 6:43 pm

    I dont think Ive caught all the angles of this subject the way youve pointed them out. Youre a true star, a rock star man. Youve got so much to say and know so much about the subject that I think you should just teach a class about it

  20. Pingback: 1uncultivated
  21. fontanero madrid at 12:54 am

    Surprisingly good post. I really found your primary webpage and additionally wanted to suggest that have essentially enjoyed searching your website blog posts. Whatever the case I’ll always be subscribing to your entire supply and I hope you jot down ever again soon!

  22. usabs at 4:26 pm

    Physical casinos put restrictions on betting. They set the minimum and maximum stake sizes. Why? Because running a land-based casino comes with a lot of expenses. Online free deposit casinos don’t need to pay for utilities and rent. That is why they don’t restrict their players in bets. Free Play Online Casino No Deposit Bonus A free play offer has limitations on which games you can play. Slots are often the only playable titles on most online casinos. Sometimes, you can get free play bonuses in bonus credits tied to some conditions you must observe. The bonus is not only offered to beginners. Certainly, online casino sites are increasingly investing in promotions for customers, offering prizes in games or in certain events. Thus, they are offered as a no deposit bonus credit. In other words, the player will get a bonus code to bet on a game that would require a deposit; https://troyaqet753208.blogitright.com/13498949/betchan-casino-33-free-spins In recent years there has been a real boom in the number of players taking up poker all round the world and Australia’s no exception. In fact this year’s World Series of Poker event in Las Vegas attracted a record attendance of over 107,000 entrants with the best performing Aussie being Melbourne’s Martin Kozlov who won cash in no less than seven events. There are a few decent books… but the best way to learn is to surround yourself by winning players, bounce ideas off of them and learn from them. Also, if you do want to play online, stick to the legitimate sites like Full Tilt or Pokerstars. I’d recommend Full tilt because you get “rakeback”. But, as it turns out, it wouldn’t have mattered if I had asked myself those questions, because there is no reliable research on either subject — at least, nothing since the poker explosion of a few years ago, the one started by the Card Cam (the TV camera which allows audiences to see the players’ hold cards during the hand), fueled by ESPN’s coverage of the World Series of Poker and the Travel Channel’s broadcasts of the World Poker Tour, and topped off by the $2.5 million lamb-defeats-wolf victory of online amateur Chris Moneymaker over cunning pro Sam Farha in the 2003 WSOP.

  23. The Northman Streaming 2022 at 8:32 am

    Good post. I study something more difficult on different blogs everyday. It’s going to always be stimulating to learn content material from other writers and observe a little bit one thing from their store. I’d prefer to use some with the content material on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll give you a link in your web blog. Thanks for sharing.

  24. InFocus at 3:33 pm

    However, it is virtually all done with tongues rooted solidly in cheeks, and everyone has absolutely nothing but absolutely love for his or her friendly neighborhood scapegoat. The truth is, he is not just a pushover. He is basically that special variety of person strong enough to take all of that good natured ribbing for exactly what it is.

  25. Jamesincow at 7:15 pm

    In 2011, when a team of scientists at Purdue University and Louisiana State gave rats repeated low doses (but not microdoses) of LSD, every other day, they noted that the rats showed negative behavior changes like “increased aggression or scruffy appearance.” A former poker player and recent graduate in interdisciplinary science in Amsterdam, Schirp has been experimenting with a new way to take psychedelic drugs: Called microdosing, it involves routinely taking a small fraction of a normal dose of lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) or magic mushrooms (the latter is legal to purchase in coffeeshops in Amsterdam but not the former). Microdosing is getting a lot of attention in the media. But here’s the reality: There just isn’t enough evidence yet to say microdosing is helpful — or even safe. And psychedelics are still illegal in the U.S. Read on for more information about microdosing and what the science says about it so far. https://daltonmbqf209764.loginblogin.com/17192489/niagara-falls-cannabis-store If you take crushed mushrooms in capsules, they could be adulterated with dangerous substances that cause an overdose. Since psilocybin mushrooms are illegal drugs, they’re unregulated. Some dealers add other drugs to stretch their supply or produce different effects. Magic mushrooms can be eaten, mixed with food, or brewed like tea for drinking. They can also be mixed with cannabis or tobacco and smoked. Liquid psilocybin is also available, which is the naturally occurring psychedelic drug found in liberty caps. The liquid is clear brown and comes in a small vial. The Costa Rican magic mushroom is known to give a warm visual and spiritual experience, especially in nature. In the psychonaut community, it is renowned for producing warm energy, light visual hallucination, and feelings of love and deep social connection. It is a great for beginners and experienced users and is consistently well reviewed as a versatile strain that is great for all situations and occasions.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.